


Friends Failing

by MindNoise



Series: Underground [2]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 06:46:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3600237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindNoise/pseuds/MindNoise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy and Adam can't make it work. </p><p>(Part 2 of my rant in Stars Falling. There's a part 3, as well.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friends Failing

Tommy impatiently taps his fingers on his leg as Adam giggles at his phone for the hundredth time. Nothing is getting done today for this new album. He turns away as Adam furiously punches a reply to his text. Sighing heavily, he wonders what the fuck he’s doing here. Adam assured him there was no other guitar player he wanted for The Original High, tour and all. Tommy was relieved, truth be known. He’s played a few gigs the past year Adam was touring with Queen, sold some used items from the Glam Nation tour, but really he’s been holding out for Adam to come back and things to be like they were. Well Adam is back and nothing is like it used to be. Nothing. Since the day Tommy charged into Adam’s hotel room and confronted him, things haven’t gotten much better. There was a constant tension between them the few times they’d gotten together, neither feeling comfortable with the other. It was like being with a stranger, only one that may never become your friend.

He glances back at Adam, who finally puts down his phone.

“Okay, I thought for the third track, we might,” Adam begins and his phone buzzes again.

Tommy rolls his eyes as Adam reaches for his phone.

“Oh my god,” Adam laughs. “So funny. You gotta hear what Brian just said.”

“Don’t give a shit,” Tommy states, interrupting Adam in the midst of reading Brian’s text aloud.

Adam looks up. “What?”

Tommy faces him. “I do not give a shit what the almighty Brian said.”

“What’s your problem?” Adam asks, and Tommy sees the defense wall coming up. Not that it ever really left these days.

“That same question from before,” Tommy sighs. “I’m tired of answering it.”

“Then stop being a dick,” Adam snaps.

Tommy stares at him, feeling heat rush into his face. He hadn’t meant for an argument to ensue. He used to be able to express annoyance to Adam without Adam becoming defensive. Tommy used to be able to do a lot of things around Adam. Clearly, that’s not the case now. Things weren’t supposed to turn out this way. The new album is done, they’re working on a set list for upcoming gigs, Adam wanted him at the studio with him, wanted his input, and Tommy was dying to work on this together. But ever since they got here Adam’s been on and off the phone, jumping to its attention every time it buzzed. He’s spent more time chuckling and typing than on the project they’re supposed to be working on. Sometimes he looks up and it’s obvious he’s forgotten Tommy was in the room. Actually, it’s not the first time Adam’s behaved like this, preferring his phone to Tommy’s company. It’s rude and Tommy is sick of it.

“Know what,” Tommy says in soft, decisive voice. “You don’t need me.”

He flings the door open and walks out. He knows he’ll regret it later, but in the heat of the moment he can’t stop himself. He walks a few feet down the hallway, intending to leave and not look back, but his heart clutches in his chest, and he stops. He backs against the wall and slides down into sitting, swallowing the lump of hurt and frustration rising in his throat. He’d just wanted Adam’s attention, to know he was important to his friend. To be assured they were still friends at all. How did it get to be such a mess? When did everything change? He’s not sure what to do now. Does he leave? Does he go back in? Can he work with Adam at all? He shouldn’t have to go through this at all. Maybe he should find another band, permanently this time. Maybe this whole thing has just run its course. He doesn’t want to go separate ways, but apparently that’s what Adam wants. He knows a lot of fans would be thrilled to hear that Adam got rid of him, a lot already think it anyway. Tommy knows their opinion shouldn’t matter, but it still hurts his feelings. An overwhelming loss floods him at the idea of life truly without Adam. He closes his eyes, trying to shut it out and not let it get the better of him.

He feels a presence in the hallway near him, but doesn’t look up. Adam sits down against the wall opposite him. Tommy stares at the floor.

“What happened,” Adam asks softly.

Tommy shrugs, sullenly replying, “I stepped out of line about your friend, I’m sorry.”

“Not that,” Adam says. “What happened to you and me?”

Tommy looks up, meeting his eyes. He sees the old Adam there, his friend, his confidant, his partner in crime. He can feel that lump welling up in his throat again and he can’t speak, so he just shakes his head. He doesn’t know anymore than Adam what happened to their relationship. Adam smiles sadly.

“I don’t know what to do,” he says.

“That’s a first,” Tommy remarks, smiling back tentatively. He’s suddenly nervous Adam will take it the wrong way. Fuck, when did he ever feel the need to walk on eggshells around him?

But Adam’s smile reaches his eyes. “You know I just fake it til I make it.”

Tommy smiles a little wider, then the light fades from Adam’s eyes and he’s nervous again.

“I don’t know you anymore,” Tommy admits sadly. “And you don’t know me.”

“Things just don’t stay the same,” Adam says. “They can’t. Relationships ebb and flow, naturally. But this....”

“Where we are isn’t as simple as ebb and flow,” Tommy finishes.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” Adam tells him. “I don’t even know what went wrong.”

Not what Tommy wanted to hear.

“Do you?” Adam asks.

Tommy swallows. “I don’t think we can point to one thing. I don’t think it’s just one thing. Probably a lot of little things added up, add in a long time apart, and …. here we are.”

Adam nods his agreement, looking down at his lap. He looks up again.

“We can’t go on like this,” he says.

Tommy can see it pains Adam to say it. His heart drops into his stomach. He can feel his hands begin to shake. He suddenly wishes he was deaf so he can’t hear what Adam says next.

“Maybe…” Adam starts, then sighs, sounding defeated. “Fuck, Tommy, I don’t know. I don’t know what the answer is.”

Tommy nods, wrapping his arms around his knees and pulling himself into a tight ball. “Do you think…should we… just let this go?”

Adam looks sick. Tommy feels sick.

“Tommy,” Adam starts, then hesitates. “We can’t force ourselves to be in each others lives. A friendship, any relationship, can’t work that way.”

Tommy feels short of breath. Here it is. Goodbye. Confirmation Adam doesn’t want him around anymore. He tries to smile and make this easy for Adam. Fake it til you make it, right? He can’t look at Adam for long. Adam doesn’t say anything else, letting the implication hang in the air. Suddenly Tommy wants to be anywhere but here. The desire to get away overtakes him. He clears his throat and stands so fast he loses balance and knocks back into the wall.

“Yeah, guess you’re right,” he says, forcing himself to sound casual. All he can focus on right now is getting away. Get away from what’s hurting him. “Hey, we had a good run. No hard feelings?”

Adam looks surprised. He nods. “Sure, Tommy. No hard feelings.”

“Good luck with the album,” Tommy says almost too loudly.

“Thanks,” Adam replies. He looks unsure.

Tommy turns and walks away. He listens hard for any sound behind him, any noise, any breath, any indication at all that Adam is stopping him. His mind pleads with Adam, screams at him, please stop me. And then he’s outside the building, the door whispering shut behind him, the cool night air in his face. His brain feels fuzzy, the pain in his heart takes his breath away. His feet keep moving until he’s at his car. When he gets in weariness settles over him. He supposes this was inevitable. He concentrates on stamping down the emotions raging inside him. He can do this. He’s lived without Adam before, he can do it again. He calmly puts the car in gear and drives away.

**Author's Note:**

> Just read the next one before you hurt me! ;)


End file.
